At 50 - An Open Letter to Myself

Dear Sarah

Well you're on the eve of joining the, ‘middle-aged’, it hardly seems a minute since you left school and enjoyed your college and university years, where you (really) found your character and yourself; you had no pre-conceptions about who you were or the friends you had, but that was to change, of course. From a shy girl, who never wanted to do wrong, you really made your argument and went for what you wanted.

What I liked about you then, Sarah, was your, ‘no fear’ policy; you were the first person in your family to go to university, well accept your Great, Great Uncle George, who was a teacher, and boy did you have to fight your way there. It was university that introduced you to the things that would influence you throughout and to the current day, both positive and negative and how you viewed and started to view people; or should I say how people viewed you!! You never had pre-conceptions about people, they were who they were, rich or poor, intelligent or not so; you never judged them, but you were judged and that’s stayed with you to this day and shaped who you could possibly have been. You, Sarah deep down, have never forgotten your roots, and that shows through your fight for students who want to achieve, I see that every day. There are times when you see a student, who is two or three generations on, and you see yourself; you want them to achieve so much and go out of your way for them. I commend that.

I know the college years were your best, you knew nobody there when you first arrived, but made friends straight way and had an amazing time and social life, the parties and the people were great and helped to develop your character and confidence further, this is where Sarah started to appear. It was here where you first considered university, it had never been thought of, let alone considered, but you went, you did it and you qualified as a teacher with honours.

University finished and it was time to get a job. The shy girl, that no family member thought would become a teacher, but you did. What you could have become, I don’t know; one can never know, but if you were you then, today, you would have achieved so much more, but I'm still proud of you; all you needed was to have more confidence and push yourself. Early on in your teaching career, you needed that special person who could see your potential; all you needed was to find a person who thought you could achieved. You did Sarah and what a Head Teacher he was. You became a Head of Year, Key Stage 3 coordinator for ICT, Lead in Enterprise Education; worked with trainee teachers; set up the proms in school, opened the school shop, started the most wanted trip in school – The United States of America trip and to your credit girl, you received a national teaching award. How proud am I, of you; well Sarah extremely proud of you. I know why you wanted to do the trips and you got your reward, when at the top of the Empire State Building a student said you, “Being here, I feel I can do anything with my life.” And I know that when you got a letter from one of your tutor group on that visit, and it made you cry. Yes, Sarah which I know you’ve kept and here it is:

You are a kind loving person, who will do anything for anybody, and I love that about you; nothing is too much trouble. So start thinking who are the people you want in your life. Who is there for you. Who loves you. Leave the rest behind, because time is the most important commodity in anybody’s life, those who don’t want you in their life, shouldn’t be in yours.

Where could you have improved: Having more confidence in yourself. You could have been so much more professionally, but you never thought yourself worthy. The same goes for you personally too!! Your obsession with your weight has held you back all these years, after seeing than those cinė films last night, why did you worry, you were toned, fit and beautiful; if you want happiness you need to sort it out and soon, both your weight and psychologically. You know what you could have been such a great mother, but how you’ve viewed yourself all these years has stopped you achieving this, and that makes me sad.

What I am proud of though is that you took on a huge challenge . I know this weighed on your mind and again you thought you weren’t capable; are you crazy Sarah??? You sailed the North Atlantic Ocean. You saw Rockall, Ireland and The Netherlands, before sailing back into London. I know personally that you are proud of this and you can now look at people and think, I did it; could you?

You are a lovely person, like all people you, you have your faults, but live your life how you want to, to your standards and morals and don’t let people bully, or try to make you feel less worthy than you are, because Sarah, you are one hell of a force. May the next 50 years be your making.

So Sarah, keep your held high, stay true to your morals and keep pushing yourself to be the very best person that you can.

Love

Yourself. x